Anubhav – dniM s'vahbunA edisnI

Abstraction: Volume II

This piece has taken much more time than anticipated, not because it was difficult to conceptualise them, but because my phone was stolen and the drafts were lost with it; so I had to re-write them or come up with new ideas or thoughts based on recent life experiences. Anyway, let it make you ponder, because the aim is to raise awareness about the self and concepts that one might be alien to.

FAUSTIAN BARGAIN

‘Tis a concept produced by German literature and folklore,
The tale follows a doctor named Faustus who decides to sell his soul,
To the devil, Mephisto, for magical powers and knowledge unattainable,
In order to gain access to and enjoy wordly pleasures insatiable.
Starking similarities in the way most humans sucuumb to the hedonistic lifestyle,
Numbing and blinding themselves to consciousness that makes life uneasy yet worthwhile,
Trading off their core values and beliefs for something superficial, momentary and indubitably futile,
What a waste of human life, to not feel or experience authentic life and be defiled by vices’ guile.

ETHICAL FADING

A fascinating, hypogeous and real social phenomenon plaguing society more than we can fathom,
Whether it be the capitalistic exploitation of consumers or a winning mentality propelling to a desirable stratum,
A narrow-minded effort creating pressure to self-serve or focus on the short-term objectives,
A slippery slope of justification, dehumanization and moral myopia concocting warped perspectives,
Combatting this demands awareneess, self-censorship and not yielding to moral disengagement,
Works towards harnessing a rich sense of accountability and tune into your conscience to gradually master this self-deceptive assuagement.

BUBBLE

For some it’s a narrowed perspective, for some it’s living in illusion, for some it’s alienating from society,
For others it’s a self-protection tool to avoid feeling any sort of discomfort and uncertainty,
Cognitive biases play pivotal roles for most in dismissing anything that challenges existing beliefs and threatens their sense of security,
Fear of being ostracized or being a misfit manipulates some to protect their ascertained sense of identity.
A complexly constructed psychosis that limits thinking, understanding and collaborating with humanity,
The only hope is that one can withstand and subjugate the inevitable rupture of the subdued self-induced vanity.

LET DOWN

The unmatched feeling of disillusionment that engulfs you when your hopes don’t materialize,
The Radiohead soundtrack plays internally while disappointment trickles down your eye,
Sinking deep in the abyss of dejection because your lack of self-worth proceeds to amplify,
The need for validation goes unmet, breeding resentment and making you agonize,
Cognitive dissonance destablizes you as expectations and reality are so unalike it’s a surprise,
Allow yourself to grieve, release the vice grip on false hopes if you want dismay to minimize,
Work on setting boundaries or practice radical acceptance and see your perspective revolutionize.

ALIGNMENT

I’m starting to get a hang of what growth looks like for me:
Not being tricked or controlled by the dystopia of my mental dichotomy,
Not sucuumbing to my former self-depleting people-pleasing modality,
Not having to conform to conventional norms, beliefs or expectations of society,
Not feeling constrained or restricted by my own or others’ insecurity,
Overcoming all my misinterpretations stemming from projections and anxiety,
Embracing the impermanence of life and being unfazed by uncertanity,
Exercising open-mindedness, not sacrificing my own needs; striving for authenticity,
Expressing my true thoughts and emotions and practicing vulnerability,
Being more conscious with my words, living up to them and fostering an environment of honesty,
Learning and becoming a better me each day; recalibrating my mindset to step up to any adversity,
Knowing that I’m evolving and progressing, to practice self-love and cherish solitary tranquility,
Focusing on the now, going with the flow – enjoying life’s harmonious serenditpity,
Surrounding myself with ones who really care and lighten up my world with imbecility,
Having the best intentions at heart and doing my best to add value to those in proximity.

Protected: Il-qoxra tiegħi

Introspection

Self-assessment through a reflective gaze seems to be a daunting quest,
For to unfold the deepest of realms, in the corridors of memories one must invest,
Acknowledging progress and reliving achievements might feel wondrous to ingest,
While reminiscing failures and identifying defects might be hard to digest.

I have frequently succumbed to the chaotic cataclysm of the last 2 years,
It has been ground-breaking and perception shattering..facing and battling my fears,
It has been emotionally exhausting and mentally daunting..embracing the pain and wiping my tears,
It has been gruelling yet elevating, unlearning everything I was fed by society and discovering myself for real,
It has been exasperating yet forbearing, healing from the wounds of mental and physical ordeals,
It has been burdensome yet empowering, working towards turning my jeers into cheers,
Yet I have questioned everything I did, thought and felt seeking self-consciousness,
For in knowing oneself truly and completely is essential to attain internal consonance.

So my question to you is..do you ever sit down and look back on the year that’s passed by?
Do you reflect on your journey or are you a passer-by in your own life?
Do you see the things holding you back and figure out how to change things, or do you not even try?
Do you remain in a vicious cycle of sitting around whining and complaining, or do you envision battling the strife?
If not, then it’s time to start – just sit down and pick your brain apart,
Self-discovery will give more than money, fame and success can ever impart,
For wisdom and fulfillment comes not with age, but from looking within and learning from life until you depart.

Shifting Tides

Almost 2 years now that I’ve spent more time next to an ocean or a sea,
There’s just something in the solitude of the waves that keeps me company.
The waves yearn to reach the shore, like I’ve seeked self-improvement,
The shells get left behind on the coast, like I’ve been isolated through my attunement.
The crashing waves mold the sand, like my rainy days have strengthened my foundation,
The wind enables all this to happen, like the low tides in life has helped me rise to and overcome every situation.
I have felt depressed like the weather, unable to recognize my unstable conditions,
Self-awareness and self-acceptance has felt like a series of ebb and flow simulations.
Struggled even more with the turbulent storms wreaking havoc inside my heart and my consciousness,
When the tempest died down, I sat in silence..damaged with pain and lost in the trenches of my darkness,
The hardest part about surviving such chaos has always been forgiving myself and letting go of the disappointment in myself,
Until recently, I never noticed the sunlight seeping through the dissapearing clouds, like a continental shelf,
I’m grateful to be illuminated on my bright side, with rays of hope giving strength to remedy and practice self-love,
I sense the arrival of high tide in my journey, with manifestations of surreal moments of harmony and colourful skies up above.

Just Another Day

Have you ever slept 8 hours, but woke up feeling like shit?
So numb and disconnected, that you wanted to take a hit?
Go into work contemplating over actually wanting to quit?
Be part of the “corporate” culture, where you clearly do not fit?
Realising everything you’re “supposed” to do are things you want to omit.

You go sit in front of the screen, earphones on, coping through music,
Nothing really feels good, but the sounds are therapeutic,
The lyrical, mellifluous medicine, curbs you from feeling sick,
You close your eyes, take deep breaths, prepare yourself for the public,
Aiming to deceive ’em, pretending everything’s alright, ain’t that tragic?

Time passes by slowly, you eventually tune into your zone,
In a workplace environment, but you can’t maintain a professional tone,
Resort to joking and entertaining others, so I don’t have to be on my own,
Try to focus and get stuff done, productivity has to be shown,
When it’s time to leave, you realise your to-do-list has only grown.

Muddling through the cold and the late bus, you’re back to where you live,
Too much sucked out of you, you have too little left to give,
Muster up the energy to cook and eat in order to survive,
Gobble up the vitamin and meds that help your body revive,
Brace yourself for tomorrow, but the much-needed vigor you cannot derive.

Mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted, you lay down in bed,
Hoping to just doze off and not deal with what’s going on in your head,
The limtless intrusive thoughts, you’re barely hanging by a thread,
So weary and alone, you choke up with tears you’re unable to shed,
A vicious, repetitive cycle of everyday life you’ve started to dread.

To put your mind to bed, you try and meditate,
Feel gratitude for life, hoping optimism can elevate,
Wishing you feel better somehow, and that it’s not too late,
Yearning to be at peace and knocking on contentment’s gate,
Until you finally fall asleep, these thoughts reverberate.

Written on 2nd February, 2023 at 11pm CET

Sacred

Oh captain, my captain, you are a role model for me,
Because growing up to become a gem like you is all that I’ve aspired to be.
A smart, handsome man who is deeply adored for brightening up every room he enters,
And is deeply revered and admired by every crew member he mentors.
I feel blessed to have inherited your charm and invaluable qualities,
Or else I would’ve been dull and one of them oddities.

You were a simple village boy who faced adversities at a tender age,
You used it as motivation to stand on your own feet and turn the page.
The path you chose to make ends meet must’ve seemed thrilling at first,
Sailing across nations on a ship, till your family became the water you wished for to quench your thirst.
We deeply admire the sacrifices you’ve made to give us a trouble-free life,
No wonder you’ve been rewarded with such responsible kids and an amazingly understanding wife.

Your presence at home always makes us feel elated,
Whenever you’re away at sea, we all feel so incomplete and jaded.
I know you would’ve preferred to be there for us more during our childhood,
But you’ve been a great dad regardless, you’ve done the most you could.
I reminisce those evenings spent with you playing sudoku, jumble and solving crosswords using your super old dictionary,
I’ll always be grateful to you for sharpening my mind and expanding my vocabulary.

I consider myself fortunate to have you in my life and be your son,
The little time we’ve spent together over the years have been nothing short of fun,
Having a few drinks, exchanging stories, listening to old music and talking about life,
It’s been a privilege to be able to share these moments with you and get some life-changing advice.
I cherish the bond and relationship that we have developed over time,
Knowing that you have unwavering faith in me always makes me feel like there’s no mountain high enough for me to climb.

You’ve been more in touch with your emotions since becoming a senior citizen,
Longing to spend more time with all of us than being in the Captain’s den.
I know you’ve worked hard for far too long and should soon retire,
So that you can relax, spend more time with mum and do whatever you desire.
And..since you might begin to forget things and your memory might get faded,
I want to remind you that it’s you that completes us and makes our family so sacred.

How Much Is Too Much ?

It’s true that I’m only twenty five,
But that does not imply I haven’t seen much of life.
My younger days were fun as I was notorious,
But with time, I have turned into something so empty and contagious.

Helping others get through life without feeling lonely felt like my purpose,
But I’ve hurt people enough to know this is not my gift but a curse.
I don’t know if I can or how to bring about a change,
And show to you that my character and behaviour can rearrange.

After years of control, my dark side has finally been unleashed,
And I feel so vulnerable, under the control of this evil beast.
Trapped in the middle of my own trouble web, I think I’m losing myself,
Maybe I deserve it coz I’ve taken too many hearts and left them unnoticed on my shelf.

The way I am, self-loathing is not something I ever considered turning to,
But it’s extremely difficult to live with myself after knowing what I’ve put you through.
My thoughts conflicted, my head is twisted,
I’ve made you feel everything besides what I had intended.

I’ve always asked how much is too much,
But off late, I feel what I’ve done is more than enough.
I’m only a menace to the ones I care about,
So they should eliminate me from their lives without a doubt.