Tag Archives: Introspective

Abstraction: Volume II

This piece has taken much more time than anticipated, not because it was difficult to conceptualise them, but because my phone was stolen and the drafts were lost with it; so I had to re-write them or come up with new ideas or thoughts based on recent life experiences. Anyway, let it make you ponder, because the aim is to raise awareness about the self and concepts that one might be alien to.

FAUSTIAN BARGAIN

‘Tis a concept produced by German literature and folklore,
The tale follows a doctor named Faustus who decides to sell his soul,
To the devil, Mephisto, for magical powers and knowledge unattainable,
In order to gain access to and enjoy wordly pleasures insatiable.
Starking similarities in the way most humans sucuumb to the hedonistic lifestyle,
Numbing and blinding themselves to consciousness that makes life uneasy yet worthwhile,
Trading off their core values and beliefs for something superficial, momentary and indubitably futile,
What a waste of human life, to not feel or experience authentic life and be defiled by vices’ guile.

ETHICAL FADING

A fascinating, hypogeous and real social phenomenon plaguing society more than we can fathom,
Whether it be the capitalistic exploitation of consumers or a winning mentality propelling to a desirable stratum,
A narrow-minded effort creating pressure to self-serve or focus on the short-term objectives,
A slippery slope of justification, dehumanization and moral myopia concocting warped perspectives,
Combatting this demands awareneess, self-censorship and not yielding to moral disengagement,
Works towards harnessing a rich sense of accountability and tune into your conscience to gradually master this self-deceptive assuagement.

BUBBLE

For some it’s a narrowed perspective, for some it’s living in illusion, for some it’s alienating from society,
For others it’s a self-protection tool to avoid feeling any sort of discomfort and uncertainty,
Cognitive biases play pivotal roles for most in dismissing anything that challenges existing beliefs and threatens their sense of security,
Fear of being ostracized or being a misfit manipulates some to protect their ascertained sense of identity.
A complexly constructed psychosis that limits thinking, understanding and collaborating with humanity,
The only hope is that one can withstand and subjugate the inevitable rupture of the subdued self-induced vanity.

LET DOWN

The unmatched feeling of disillusionment that engulfs you when your hopes don’t materialize,
The Radiohead soundtrack plays internally while disappointment trickles down your eye,
Sinking deep in the abyss of dejection because your lack of self-worth proceeds to amplify,
The need for validation goes unmet, breeding resentment and making you agonize,
Cognitive dissonance destablizes you as expectations and reality are so unalike it’s a surprise,
Allow yourself to grieve, release the vice grip on false hopes if you want dismay to minimize,
Work on setting boundaries or practice radical acceptance and see your perspective revolutionize.

ALIGNMENT

I’m starting to get a hang of what growth looks like for me:
Not being tricked or controlled by the dystopia of my mental dichotomy,
Not sucuumbing to my former self-depleting people-pleasing modality,
Not having to conform to conventional norms, beliefs or expectations of society,
Not feeling constrained or restricted by my own or others’ insecurity,
Overcoming all my misinterpretations stemming from projections and anxiety,
Embracing the impermanence of life and being unfazed by uncertanity,
Exercising open-mindedness, not sacrificing my own needs; striving for authenticity,
Expressing my true thoughts and emotions and practicing vulnerability,
Being more conscious with my words, living up to them and fostering an environment of honesty,
Learning and becoming a better me each day; recalibrating my mindset to step up to any adversity,
Knowing that I’m evolving and progressing, to practice self-love and cherish solitary tranquility,
Focusing on the now, going with the flow – enjoying life’s harmonious serenditpity,
Surrounding myself with ones who really care and lighten up my world with imbecility,
Having the best intentions at heart and doing my best to add value to those in proximity.

QUATRAINS

Just a challenging experiment I carried out, to see if I could write 4-line poems, cover the desired concepts, thoughts and emotions while also managing to share my learnings, my experiences and a message.

Follow the 3Rs – Read, reflect and recognize and the 3As – Absorb, analyze and actualize..to make the most from this.

MINDGAME?

Do you also find your mind burdened with trivial, superfluous absurdities?
Do you also question why we torment ourselves and create illusionary adversities?
Dig deep to segregate the noise from stuff actually seated in reality,
Realise it’s the ego playing games with us, scared of losing its power & identity..

EXPECTATIONS

Everyone knows that the worst thing about expecting is the inevitable disappointment,
No one discerns that the unrealism coated in most expectations is extremely poignant,
Question your desires, understand what’s practical instead of concocting unncessary resentment,
Share and discuss it with loved ones to build and maintain a harmonious relationship through alignment.

GRATITUDE

We live in a world where most of us succumb to our insatiable greed or irrevocable self-absorption,
We blind ourselves and fail to realise the privileged life we’ve led through the luxury of option,
We must start appreciating everything that we have, and be grateful for experiencing life everyday,
This virtue fuels the soul, makes the mind optimistic and changes life in spectacular ways.

DO THE WORK

Wounds and their inception are to be identified, studied and acknowledged,
Open yourself up to feel, process every thought and emotion that has kept you demolished,
Remind yourself that nothing holds power over you, that you can change and wounds can heal,
Know that re-inventing yourself and overcoming hurdles will remain a constant yet enlightening ordeal.

CONCEDE

Have you experienced moments or days of sheer, disintegrating defeat?
When you’ve done and given your best consistently but it still ain’t enough to secure the outcome you seek,
Even the strongest or most resilient of us succumb to this downward spiral of frustrating exhaustion,
The helpless powerlessness engulfs you, and all that remains is the despondent emptiness of misfortune.

SWITCH THE NARRATIVE

If you notice that you’ve tried everything but you seem to end up being a victim of every calamity,
It’s probably the story you have been telling yourself all your life that has reflected in your reality,
Extract the lessons the suffering presents, discover your true self and integrate it into your personality,
Beware of the psychological warfare the ego wages against the “conscious” you, for the triumph will revolutionize your morality.

Introspection

Self-assessment through a reflective gaze seems to be a daunting quest,
For to unfold the deepest of realms, in the corridors of memories one must invest,
Acknowledging progress and reliving achievements might feel wondrous to ingest,
While reminiscing failures and identifying defects might be hard to digest.

I have frequently succumbed to the chaotic cataclysm of the last 2 years,
It has been ground-breaking and perception shattering..facing and battling my fears,
It has been emotionally exhausting and mentally daunting..embracing the pain and wiping my tears,
It has been gruelling yet elevating, unlearning everything I was fed by society and discovering myself for real,
It has been exasperating yet forbearing, healing from the wounds of mental and physical ordeals,
It has been burdensome yet empowering, working towards turning my jeers into cheers,
Yet I have questioned everything I did, thought and felt seeking self-consciousness,
For in knowing oneself truly and completely is essential to attain internal consonance.

So my question to you is..do you ever sit down and look back on the year that’s passed by?
Do you reflect on your journey or are you a passer-by in your own life?
Do you see the things holding you back and figure out how to change things, or do you not even try?
Do you remain in a vicious cycle of sitting around whining and complaining, or do you envision battling the strife?
If not, then it’s time to start – just sit down and pick your brain apart,
Self-discovery will give more than money, fame and success can ever impart,
For wisdom and fulfillment comes not with age, but from looking within and learning from life until you depart.


Always Victorious

Most of the times, we never know how or when a great friendship starts,
Especially coz of this vast world, and our milky chance to ever cross paths,
In Thion-fucking-ville, as interns destined together to face the aftermaths,
Sharing that ludicrous apartment, while despondency tried to tear us apart.

I’m aware it took a while for us to get along – my sincere apologies for that,
While you invited me to socialise with you, I preferred being a lonesome lad,
Glad I eventually snapped out of it..for it barely took time to become your comrade,
Cooking, chilling and jamming together every night after work became a ritual so ironclad!

I feel we connected deeper when we worked together on your masters project,
I saw the visionary and creative side of you; I was more enthralled than I could expect,
T’was probably the inception of becoming potential business partners, your morals and convictions incited immense respect,
I really hope you achieve and actualise your foresight, for the world needs and would benefit from your ingenious doppler effect.

Travelling and volunteering with you in Portugal and Austria was an abundance of enrichment,
It not only widened our horizons, but also gave our bonding a sense of fulfillment,
It was the first time I let my responsible guard down and went with the flow of our displacement,
Annoyingly messy at first, but it turned out to be more fun and wholesome than imaginable – and that’s an understatement!

Seeing the progression from friendship to brotherhood has been nothing short of mesmerizing,
From high Rick & Morty, dark humour sessions and FIFA marathons to illegal underground parties in Paris and lagging jubilations in Amsterdayum..shit has has been galvanizingly tantalizing,
Surfing through stormy weather with you taught me a lot about philosophy, psychology and companionship,
A lot of life experienced and lessons learnt together in a short span of time

I want you to know that you’re on my mind even when we don’t speak,
It’s impossible to forget the one who was by my side when I felt so weak,
Immense love and gratitude for adding more value to my journey and my life than I could seek,
Our connection and understanding goes beyond what we can conceive, and it shall always remain unique.

You think you’re an asshole, but in fact a great person with great soul,
Your dedication and wit sets you apart, your existence plays a pivotal role,
The way you bounce back when you feel defeated and your constant efforts to be better than yesterday is inspirationally meritorious,
Everything you have been, are and will eventually become… in my eyes, be always victorious.

Shifting Tides

Almost 2 years now that I’ve spent more time next to an ocean or a sea,
There’s just something in the solitude of the waves that keeps me company.
The waves yearn to reach the shore, like I’ve seeked self-improvement,
The shells get left behind on the coast, like I’ve been isolated through my attunement.
The crashing waves mold the sand, like my rainy days have strengthened my foundation,
The wind enables all this to happen, like the low tides in life has helped me rise to and overcome every situation.
I have felt depressed like the weather, unable to recognize my unstable conditions,
Self-awareness and self-acceptance has felt like a series of ebb and flow simulations.
Struggled even more with the turbulent storms wreaking havoc inside my heart and my consciousness,
When the tempest died down, I sat in silence..damaged with pain and lost in the trenches of my darkness,
The hardest part about surviving such chaos has always been forgiving myself and letting go of the disappointment in myself,
Until recently, I never noticed the sunlight seeping through the dissapearing clouds, like a continental shelf,
I’m grateful to be illuminated on my bright side, with rays of hope giving strength to remedy and practice self-love,
I sense the arrival of high tide in my journey, with manifestations of surreal moments of harmony and colourful skies up above.

Abstraction: Volume 1

I know it’s been a while since the last post, I was taking some time off. I’ve been working on some poems..they mostly hover around concepts that I have spent time pondering over. The aim is to keep it short, concise and raise awareness or get you to think too. This is part 1 of my anthology series, with poems covering 3 topics..

GUILT

My psychotherapist friend told me that this is not something that is FELT but instead is THOUGHT,
It would be needless to say I pondered over this perception a lot.
Only if you have a conscience, you will struggle with this mentally,
Maybe you hurt someone or did them wrong, probably unintentionally,
It eats you up inside, so you seek closure externally.
Instead of reopening wounds that are healing..leave them be,
What’s done is done, taking corrective measures and becoming a better human shall set you free.

FAWN RESPONSE

When you are too nice to others and try to avoid conflict,
When people pleasing becomes a tool while standing up for yourself takes a hit,
When you can’t say “No” and struggle with expressing your true thoughts and emotions,
Your past trauma conditions you to forfeit your needs, rights and boundaries to feel acceptable,
To feel safe from pain, judgement and rejection – is this even real ?
Awareness isn’t enough, you need to do much more to heal:
Realize this is a response from your nervous system to appease a threat,
When you are in the moment, take a step back and question,
Find answers for what would make you feel strong in a loving way, in such a situation – hold your ground and stay true to yourself as restitution.

KARMA

Everyone everywhere always seems to call you a bitch,
To me, your existence gives lessons that make life rich.
Our actions feel inconsequential at first, coz our arrogance takes you for granted, 
But later when something goes wrong, we start to wonder why we feel so haunted,
Your teachings not only make one wiser but also makes one grounded,
If you learn nothing from this metaphorical boomerang, you’ll forever be dumbfounded.
It’s true what they say: what goes around must always come back around,
So be good & do your best, and see how this mystical energy keeps you safe and sound.

Over The Limit..

I wouldn’t want to tell the world the story of how we found each other,
Coz words won’t ever do it justice, it’s grander than what a prose could cover,
The connection was immaculate, vibes unparalleled, minds in-sync like never,
We revelled with each other’s interests effortlessly, like 2 birds of the same feather,
You made me feel like you were the one for me and we could not only flock but also grow old together.
We were out of place, next to each other, spending more time ensemble than planned,
Exploring sides of ourselves we never thought existed, knowing no one else would understand,
It was all too good to be true, I guess, as I was forced to bow out & fold when you decided to play your hand.

I wouldn’t want the world to know why you gave up and ended things,
Your excuses were quite obscure yet fixable, and not really knowing stings.
Remember when you told me you felt you were falling down a sinkhole and were dragging me along?
I stood by you, ensured you weren’t alone, that you pulled through strong.
When the tables turned months later and I felt low, exhausted, in a rut,
Funny how you blamed me for letting one thing bring everything else down, and left me out with the doors shut.
I was told that I taught the caged-bird how to fly by spreading its wings,
Later from commitment, you flew, back into your cage, blaming me for things.
Expressing and communicating was the key you overlooked, locking me out, ignorant to my point of view,
Months later you changed colours, making me feel like I was smothering and suffocating you,
I am the emotionally-invested, affectionate partner, I thought you always knew.
You thought I was scared to be alone? Hon, I’m so inured to it, I’m terrified it’s my comfort zone,
I’ve always wanted someone to share it all with, can’t you see it’s not as fulfilling for me if I’m on my own?

You can’t imagine how excruciating the last few months have been for me, adding on to the emotional and mental fatigue of the last few years,
The last 2 times I met you, you crushed a part of my soul with your behaviour and I was drowning in tears,
But I got no choice, need to accept shit and move on, instead of letting my mind retain the lingering jeers,
A constant reminder that I can’t force or control things, but I got no regrets because I gave my all and still failed,
A humbling edification for me – putting efforts, working through things and not giving up aren’t values to ever compensate,
Life sucks with its shitty phases, and I felt lonesome, woeful and drained,
That’s when I needed you most to be there for me, while you yearned to be estranged,
This anger fuelled disappointment has me contaminated, but I no longer wish to be emotionally chained,
So although I’ve had less to look forward to, and more to lament, you’ll always be a part of me, that can never be changed.

It’s time to Final Lullaby this chapter, ease my mind and finally let go,
What I thought was a blessing turned into a lesson, from which I’ll grow,
So all I wanna do is be grateful to you for the limited experience,
T’was convivial being a part of your journey, irrespective of the harrowing consequence.
I’m beholden to you for showing me that I could be my vulnerable, raw self at all times and still be adored like a galaxy full of stars,
And I’m happy that I could illuminate you more in our time together than life had taught you so far,
I’ll look back on our eternal memories, cherish them, savouring the purported battle scar.
I hope you embraced our time together; the experience of a lifetime that went by quickly,
I hope you get over some things that I’ve said, because it’s better to speak your mind than to suppress the thoughts and let it eat you slowly,
Plus, actions speak louder than words, and all I ever did was to be there for you at all times and make you feel homely.
I hope you learn that building and maintaining relationships requires trust, communication, work and consistency,
I hope you gain conscious clarity and maturity, and are not influenced by others too easily,
I hope you figure out what you really want, overcome your fears and become the person you aspire to be,
I hope the way you’ve always been in everyone’s eyes doesn’t end up defining you, and that you reach the potential I see,
I hope you find someone to whom you can give your all, without ever thinking about me,
I’d never say or think that You’re The Worst, but know that you could’ve been the Gretchen to my Jimmy,
But now I release the broken promises across boundaries, focused on being a better me, wondering what deserving better looks like for me..

How Much Is Too Much ?

It’s true that I’m only twenty five,
But that does not imply I haven’t seen much of life.
My younger days were fun as I was notorious,
But with time, I have turned into something so empty and contagious.

Helping others get through life without feeling lonely felt like my purpose,
But I’ve hurt people enough to know this is not my gift but a curse.
I don’t know if I can or how to bring about a change,
And show to you that my character and behaviour can rearrange.

After years of control, my dark side has finally been unleashed,
And I feel so vulnerable, under the control of this evil beast.
Trapped in the middle of my own trouble web, I think I’m losing myself,
Maybe I deserve it coz I’ve taken too many hearts and left them unnoticed on my shelf.

The way I am, self-loathing is not something I ever considered turning to,
But it’s extremely difficult to live with myself after knowing what I’ve put you through.
My thoughts conflicted, my head is twisted,
I’ve made you feel everything besides what I had intended.

I’ve always asked how much is too much,
But off late, I feel what I’ve done is more than enough.
I’m only a menace to the ones I care about,
So they should eliminate me from their lives without a doubt.