Abstraction: Volume II

This piece has taken much more time than anticipated, not because it was difficult to conceptualise them, but because my phone was stolen and the drafts were lost with it; so I had to re-write them or come up with new ideas or thoughts based on recent life experiences. Anyway, let it make you ponder, because the aim is to raise awareness about the self and concepts that one might be alien to.

FAUSTIAN BARGAIN

‘Tis a concept produced by German literature and folklore,
The tale follows a doctor named Faustus who decides to sell his soul,
To the devil, Mephisto, for magical powers and knowledge unattainable,
In order to gain access to and enjoy wordly pleasures insatiable.
Starking similarities in the way most humans sucuumb to the hedonistic lifestyle,
Numbing and blinding themselves to consciousness that makes life uneasy yet worthwhile,
Trading off their core values and beliefs for something superficial, momentary and indubitably futile,
What a waste of human life, to not feel or experience authentic life and be defiled by vices’ guile.

ETHICAL FADING

A fascinating, hypogeous and real social phenomenon plaguing society more than we can fathom,
Whether it be the capitalistic exploitation of consumers or a winning mentality propelling to a desirable stratum,
A narrow-minded effort creating pressure to self-serve or focus on the short-term objectives,
A slippery slope of justification, dehumanization and moral myopia concocting warped perspectives,
Combatting this demands awareneess, self-censorship and not yielding to moral disengagement,
Works towards harnessing a rich sense of accountability and tune into your conscience to gradually master this self-deceptive assuagement.

BUBBLE

For some it’s a narrowed perspective, for some it’s living in illusion, for some it’s alienating from society,
For others it’s a self-protection tool to avoid feeling any sort of discomfort and uncertainty,
Cognitive biases play pivotal roles for most in dismissing anything that challenges existing beliefs and threatens their sense of security,
Fear of being ostracized or being a misfit manipulates some to protect their ascertained sense of identity.
A complexly constructed psychosis that limits thinking, understanding and collaborating with humanity,
The only hope is that one can withstand and subjugate the inevitable rupture of the subdued self-induced vanity.

LET DOWN

The unmatched feeling of disillusionment that engulfs you when your hopes don’t materialize,
The Radiohead soundtrack plays internally while disappointment trickles down your eye,
Sinking deep in the abyss of dejection because your lack of self-worth proceeds to amplify,
The need for validation goes unmet, breeding resentment and making you agonize,
Cognitive dissonance destablizes you as expectations and reality are so unalike it’s a surprise,
Allow yourself to grieve, release the vice grip on false hopes if you want dismay to minimize,
Work on setting boundaries or practice radical acceptance and see your perspective revolutionize.

ALIGNMENT

I’m starting to get a hang of what growth looks like for me:
Not being tricked or controlled by the dystopia of my mental dichotomy,
Not sucuumbing to my former self-depleting people-pleasing modality,
Not having to conform to conventional norms, beliefs or expectations of society,
Not feeling constrained or restricted by my own or others’ insecurity,
Overcoming all my misinterpretations stemming from projections and anxiety,
Embracing the impermanence of life and being unfazed by uncertanity,
Exercising open-mindedness, not sacrificing my own needs; striving for authenticity,
Expressing my true thoughts and emotions and practicing vulnerability,
Being more conscious with my words, living up to them and fostering an environment of honesty,
Learning and becoming a better me each day; recalibrating my mindset to step up to any adversity,
Knowing that I’m evolving and progressing, to practice self-love and cherish solitary tranquility,
Focusing on the now, going with the flow – enjoying life’s harmonious serenditpity,
Surrounding myself with ones who really care and lighten up my world with imbecility,
Having the best intentions at heart and doing my best to add value to those in proximity.

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Introspection

Self-assessment through a reflective gaze seems to be a daunting quest,
For to unfold the deepest of realms, in the corridors of memories one must invest,
Acknowledging progress and reliving achievements might feel wondrous to ingest,
While reminiscing failures and identifying defects might be hard to digest.

I have frequently succumbed to the chaotic cataclysm of the last 2 years,
It has been ground-breaking and perception shattering..facing and battling my fears,
It has been emotionally exhausting and mentally daunting..embracing the pain and wiping my tears,
It has been gruelling yet elevating, unlearning everything I was fed by society and discovering myself for real,
It has been exasperating yet forbearing, healing from the wounds of mental and physical ordeals,
It has been burdensome yet empowering, working towards turning my jeers into cheers,
Yet I have questioned everything I did, thought and felt seeking self-consciousness,
For in knowing oneself truly and completely is essential to attain internal consonance.

So my question to you is..do you ever sit down and look back on the year that’s passed by?
Do you reflect on your journey or are you a passer-by in your own life?
Do you see the things holding you back and figure out how to change things, or do you not even try?
Do you remain in a vicious cycle of sitting around whining and complaining, or do you envision battling the strife?
If not, then it’s time to start – just sit down and pick your brain apart,
Self-discovery will give more than money, fame and success can ever impart,
For wisdom and fulfillment comes not with age, but from looking within and learning from life until you depart.


Over The Limit..

I wouldn’t want to tell the world the story of how we found each other,
Coz words won’t ever do it justice, it’s grander than what a prose could cover,
The connection was immaculate, vibes unparalleled, minds in-sync like never,
We revelled with each other’s interests effortlessly, like 2 birds of the same feather,
You made me feel like you were the one for me and we could not only flock but also grow old together.
We were out of place, next to each other, spending more time ensemble than planned,
Exploring sides of ourselves we never thought existed, knowing no one else would understand,
It was all too good to be true, I guess, as I was forced to bow out & fold when you decided to play your hand.

I wouldn’t want the world to know why you gave up and ended things,
Your excuses were quite obscure yet fixable, and not really knowing stings.
Remember when you told me you felt you were falling down a sinkhole and were dragging me along?
I stood by you, ensured you weren’t alone, that you pulled through strong.
When the tables turned months later and I felt low, exhausted, in a rut,
Funny how you blamed me for letting one thing bring everything else down, and left me out with the doors shut.
I was told that I taught the caged-bird how to fly by spreading its wings,
Later from commitment, you flew, back into your cage, blaming me for things.
Expressing and communicating was the key you overlooked, locking me out, ignorant to my point of view,
Months later you changed colours, making me feel like I was smothering and suffocating you,
I am the emotionally-invested, affectionate partner, I thought you always knew.
You thought I was scared to be alone? Hon, I’m so inured to it, I’m terrified it’s my comfort zone,
I’ve always wanted someone to share it all with, can’t you see it’s not as fulfilling for me if I’m on my own?

You can’t imagine how excruciating the last few months have been for me, adding on to the emotional and mental fatigue of the last few years,
The last 2 times I met you, you crushed a part of my soul with your behaviour and I was drowning in tears,
But I got no choice, need to accept shit and move on, instead of letting my mind retain the lingering jeers,
A constant reminder that I can’t force or control things, but I got no regrets because I gave my all and still failed,
A humbling edification for me – putting efforts, working through things and not giving up aren’t values to ever compensate,
Life sucks with its shitty phases, and I felt lonesome, woeful and drained,
That’s when I needed you most to be there for me, while you yearned to be estranged,
This anger fuelled disappointment has me contaminated, but I no longer wish to be emotionally chained,
So although I’ve had less to look forward to, and more to lament, you’ll always be a part of me, that can never be changed.

It’s time to Final Lullaby this chapter, ease my mind and finally let go,
What I thought was a blessing turned into a lesson, from which I’ll grow,
So all I wanna do is be grateful to you for the limited experience,
T’was convivial being a part of your journey, irrespective of the harrowing consequence.
I’m beholden to you for showing me that I could be my vulnerable, raw self at all times and still be adored like a galaxy full of stars,
And I’m happy that I could illuminate you more in our time together than life had taught you so far,
I’ll look back on our eternal memories, cherish them, savouring the purported battle scar.
I hope you embraced our time together; the experience of a lifetime that went by quickly,
I hope you get over some things that I’ve said, because it’s better to speak your mind than to suppress the thoughts and let it eat you slowly,
Plus, actions speak louder than words, and all I ever did was to be there for you at all times and make you feel homely.
I hope you learn that building and maintaining relationships requires trust, communication, work and consistency,
I hope you gain conscious clarity and maturity, and are not influenced by others too easily,
I hope you figure out what you really want, overcome your fears and become the person you aspire to be,
I hope the way you’ve always been in everyone’s eyes doesn’t end up defining you, and that you reach the potential I see,
I hope you find someone to whom you can give your all, without ever thinking about me,
I’d never say or think that You’re The Worst, but know that you could’ve been the Gretchen to my Jimmy,
But now I release the broken promises across boundaries, focused on being a better me, wondering what deserving better looks like for me..

Unapologetic

I’m sorry I couldn’t be the person you needed or thought me to be,
I’m sorry I couldn’t live up to everyone’s expectations of me.
I’m sorry I let my past dictate my behavior around you and create several blocks for us,
I’m sorry I was a mess initially, and you had to deal with all the confusion and fuss.
I’m sorry I said and did things as per my convenience,
I’m sorry you were on the receiving end of all my malfeasance.
I’m sorry that you felt that everything was about me, although I tried my best to always be there for you,
I’m sorry that my words were misinterpreted even when all I wanted was to get through to you.
I’m sorry I could never really open up and truly be myself around you,
I’m sorry I always felt that I was too impure for my angelic boo.
I’m sorry I went to great lengths to prove a point to you,
I’m sorry I never realised that my stubborn, ignorant ways had adverse impacts on you.

I’m sorry for making you believe I was an angel though my actions were that of a toxic devil,
I’m sorry that every good thing I did was forgotten because my actions put you in a state of peril.
I’m sorry that I broke your trust and eventually..your heart,
I’m sorry that my plans and behavior always pushed us and kept us apart.
I’m sorry that I never asked what you wanted when things went wrong,
I’m sorry that my realisations and gut feelings were not in your favour..and too strong.
I’m sorry that you feel like you should’ve disconnected from me before,
I’m sorry that after all we went through, bitterness was the only thing left in your core.
I’m sorry that all good things come to an end, but I hope you think this was a good thing,
I’m sorry this is the way it has to be and you can’t be my queen and I can’t be your king,
I’m sorry that everything that reminds you of me will now start to sting,
But I know time will heal everything, and your future has brighter things and better times incoming.

I hope you know that I’m genuinely sorry for many more things than those mentioned above,
And I also hope that someday you can forgive this person that didn’t deserve your love.